-no no faster faster
-doing it now
-speak to me in the language of fantastic tits
-getting more crowded by the min
-something's poking me in my side
-oh yeah
-fantastic, everyones naked and sweaty
-brb smoke
-ha ha ha.... just gets in a room with 3 women and he can't handle it
-how did i leave half of his name off?
-too busy gobbling his rod to pay attention to the typing perhaps or are you tit typing again?
-must be the first one 'cause my tit typing really sucks
-yeah but u r fucked in the head like me and no one else fucking understands either of us
-well at least some part of me is getting fucked hahahaha
-ewwwwwwwww I know where her tongues been
-wasnt she licking your shoes last night?
-touch wood
-If it pleaseses you
-u can lick him all u like
-keep talkn like that n u mite get laid hehe
-oh I wish I could
-you can pull it off?
-hang on... who's pulling what off?
-but only with your help
-plenty for you too
-has a removable penis.... rrrooowwwrrr
-and it's HUGE
-tuck slurp nibble hehehehe
-so, go back and tell me everything that's happened since i left...
-XXXX got too excited over being here with 3 women and couldn't take it, so he went to bed. YYYY licked ZZZZ. that's about it.
-we all got kicked off
-well i'll be glad to "handle" you three girls... and besides, i'm already in bed...
-here, there's a place right next to me
-all boys in bed, it's just me and my fingers now
-i'm shocked… no wait... excited...
-scoots over and snuggles under XXXX arm. Can't type one handed but together we have 2 good hands for typing and 2 good hands for.........
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Nights Of Hilarity Part One
These past three nights have clarified a few things for me :-
*One... I can still function on an adult level and converse with other "grown up's".
*Two... I can hold my own in a 5-6 person cyber orgy.
*Three... I have some very dirty minded internet pals.
*Four... I can wake up the next morning with my face and my rib cage aching from all the laughter.
*Five... That Soggy can still embarass the utter crap out of me... and I can restrain the urge to shave his eyebrows off when he's asleep as payback.
*Six... That contrary to what I have always believed... I am NOT abnormal... there are lots of other twisted people like me hanging around.
Below are snippets I have taken from the last three nights. It's would be too big a post to do in one hit, so I'll break it down into the three nights. No names will be put here, as I have not asked permission to post this.... I will be careful what I place here. I hope this makes you giggle or run off with your face all red. My ribs wish your ribs the best of luck!
* I get about 4 or 5 hours a night
* I can't remember when the last time was that I got to go to bed early
* I had forgotten how much fun it could be to play with other like minded adults!
* I'm glad you came back to blogging, I missed getting to read you
* Ohhhh goodness.... I'm gonna need some coffee to keep up with yall
* Pffffffffffffft you dont need coffee, $%&* has that HUGE rod to spank you awake with..... remember?
* I feel a computer humping coming on.... I haven't done that in so long
* Didn't you and my computer do that 2 weeks ago? My computer is such a slut when it comes to you
* You're computer molested my computer!
* So does that mean you're expecting some little palm pilots soon?
* Crap. Like I don't have enough trouble on my hands, now I have to deal with all these tiny unwanted computer chips/palm pilots running around my house?
* As long as you remember to pet our pussies
* Okay, stop making me laugh, I'm in danger of having coffee flavoured boogers
* Pussy petting is another thing I do very well...
* I musn't be too bad at it either.... mine never complains
* Mine doesn't complain either, but my fingers damn sure do
* I'm going to say THAT next time I climax..... boooooyyyyyyyaaaaahhhhhh!!
* I aint cumming until I'm good and ready....
* They call me plumb bob because it hangs low and straight...
* Omg my ribs hurt
* sorry... am I too far up....?
* Yeah..... lower
* Wait right there.....dont move... hold that thought
* And my pipe...?
* Hold that too.... I wouldn't want it to get cold and lonely
* Trust you to eat the good bit
* I couldn't help it... it's where all the juice was cumming from
* I think I'm the first man in history to be eaten by two women and not feel a thing!
* Bad girl.... rollover and play dead while we think up some sort of suitable punishment for defiling $%&* Rod
* I must be really bad if he didn't feel any thing.... I'll use my teeth next time
* I want a sentence tattoo'd right next to my pussy that reads "What are you reading this for? Get busy!"
* Nah " Quit Reading And Eat"... less ink...less pain
* Yeah, beat me some more. I need a good whipping to wake me up
* Do turkeys have penises? I can't bloody believe I actually just asked that
* I bet she has gone to check if turkeys have a peni, a penis or penises
* They must or how do they mate?
* Turkeys have small penises...
* Send your boobs to my email account
* Are we putting together a porn site? if so, I've already got it done, just need the pics
* You go "help" her with the huge rod and I'll stand over here (playing with myself) ummmm taking pictures that are not blurry
* I'm hungry.... I need something to eat
* I can help with that too... eat me....
* Sorry @#$%, you seem to be choking on %$#@ Rod again and I can't quite work out what you are trying to say
* How can you laugh with that thing in your mouth?
* I have a really big mouth
* Maybe you should have thought that sentence through a bit more before hitting send!!!
* Put your tits away and just use your fingers....
* How did you know I was typing with my tits?
* Now that's some talent
* I can type with my rod
* I used my boobs
* The left boob needs more typing lessons
* Well, the right one gets played with more
* Will never believe me that I got you tit typing. We could start a new craze here!
* And then she commanded him to crawl to his room so she could administer a spanking!
* So you've played this game before I see....
* I'm gonna have to toughen up and learn how to spank
* Oooo spank me again master, I'm sorry master, I'll be a good girl master, Let me kiss the royal rod... sorry sceptre to prove my sincerity master
* Yes, go to bed and I'll play with myself for a while. I mean, by myself.
* And spend the rest of the night dreaming of spankings, pussies, tits 'n ' tats (hey that's what I'd call my tattoo shop for women if I had one).... and now I've forgotten where I was up to...
* Go to bed you little freaks!
It's even funnier when you edit out all the boring bits and all the laughter that was going on!!!! More to come when I can breathe again..... Stay tuned!
*One... I can still function on an adult level and converse with other "grown up's".
*Two... I can hold my own in a 5-6 person cyber orgy.
*Three... I have some very dirty minded internet pals.
*Four... I can wake up the next morning with my face and my rib cage aching from all the laughter.
*Five... That Soggy can still embarass the utter crap out of me... and I can restrain the urge to shave his eyebrows off when he's asleep as payback.
*Six... That contrary to what I have always believed... I am NOT abnormal... there are lots of other twisted people like me hanging around.
Below are snippets I have taken from the last three nights. It's would be too big a post to do in one hit, so I'll break it down into the three nights. No names will be put here, as I have not asked permission to post this.... I will be careful what I place here. I hope this makes you giggle or run off with your face all red. My ribs wish your ribs the best of luck!
* I get about 4 or 5 hours a night
* I can't remember when the last time was that I got to go to bed early
* I had forgotten how much fun it could be to play with other like minded adults!
* I'm glad you came back to blogging, I missed getting to read you
* Ohhhh goodness.... I'm gonna need some coffee to keep up with yall
* Pffffffffffffft you dont need coffee, $%&* has that HUGE rod to spank you awake with..... remember?
* I feel a computer humping coming on.... I haven't done that in so long
* Didn't you and my computer do that 2 weeks ago? My computer is such a slut when it comes to you
* You're computer molested my computer!
* So does that mean you're expecting some little palm pilots soon?
* Crap. Like I don't have enough trouble on my hands, now I have to deal with all these tiny unwanted computer chips/palm pilots running around my house?
* As long as you remember to pet our pussies
* Okay, stop making me laugh, I'm in danger of having coffee flavoured boogers
* Pussy petting is another thing I do very well...
* I musn't be too bad at it either.... mine never complains
* Mine doesn't complain either, but my fingers damn sure do
* I'm going to say THAT next time I climax..... boooooyyyyyyyaaaaahhhhhh!!
* I aint cumming until I'm good and ready....
* They call me plumb bob because it hangs low and straight...
* Omg my ribs hurt
* sorry... am I too far up....?
* Yeah..... lower
* Wait right there.....dont move... hold that thought
* And my pipe...?
* Hold that too.... I wouldn't want it to get cold and lonely
* Trust you to eat the good bit
* I couldn't help it... it's where all the juice was cumming from
* I think I'm the first man in history to be eaten by two women and not feel a thing!
* Bad girl.... rollover and play dead while we think up some sort of suitable punishment for defiling $%&* Rod
* I must be really bad if he didn't feel any thing.... I'll use my teeth next time
* I want a sentence tattoo'd right next to my pussy that reads "What are you reading this for? Get busy!"
* Nah " Quit Reading And Eat"... less ink...less pain
* Yeah, beat me some more. I need a good whipping to wake me up
* Do turkeys have penises? I can't bloody believe I actually just asked that
* I bet she has gone to check if turkeys have a peni, a penis or penises
* They must or how do they mate?
* Turkeys have small penises...
* Send your boobs to my email account
* Are we putting together a porn site? if so, I've already got it done, just need the pics
* You go "help" her with the huge rod and I'll stand over here (playing with myself) ummmm taking pictures that are not blurry
* I'm hungry.... I need something to eat
* I can help with that too... eat me....
* Sorry @#$%, you seem to be choking on %$#@ Rod again and I can't quite work out what you are trying to say
* How can you laugh with that thing in your mouth?
* I have a really big mouth
* Maybe you should have thought that sentence through a bit more before hitting send!!!
* Put your tits away and just use your fingers....
* How did you know I was typing with my tits?
* Now that's some talent
* I can type with my rod
* I used my boobs
* The left boob needs more typing lessons
* Well, the right one gets played with more
* Will never believe me that I got you tit typing. We could start a new craze here!
* And then she commanded him to crawl to his room so she could administer a spanking!
* So you've played this game before I see....
* I'm gonna have to toughen up and learn how to spank
* Oooo spank me again master, I'm sorry master, I'll be a good girl master, Let me kiss the royal rod... sorry sceptre to prove my sincerity master
* Yes, go to bed and I'll play with myself for a while. I mean, by myself.
* And spend the rest of the night dreaming of spankings, pussies, tits 'n ' tats (hey that's what I'd call my tattoo shop for women if I had one).... and now I've forgotten where I was up to...
* Go to bed you little freaks!
It's even funnier when you edit out all the boring bits and all the laughter that was going on!!!! More to come when I can breathe again..... Stay tuned!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Things That Make Me Go Hmmmmm
When Soggy (aka lots of sordid and rude words I normally call him but more commonly known as my husband) called a hotel to book accommodation for next week when he will be away working for a few days.... the concierge pointed out that seeing as it will just be Soggy and his apprentice..... they are able to book escorts and calls girls for their guests. What the fuck? Hmmmmm
People who order a large meal from McDonalds and then get Diet Coke or water to go with it. Hmmmmm
People who get offended by seeing a woman's breast when she is feeding her child. No matter where she might be.... what are you doing looking at her boobs you pervert! Hmmmmm
The people who expect to eat off a table where ever they may go, yet expect a mother to go and sit in a toilet/bathroom to feed her child. Or to suffocate the child by putting a blanket over them both so HEAVEN FUCKING FORBID.... no one see's a nipple. How come these people aren't then willing to take their meal and eat it in the toilet/bathroom as well? Hmmmmm
Idiots who look down their nose at either myself or Soggy because we have 2 beautiful children and wear no wedding bands. His band no longer fits as he has put on too much muscle through his job. And it's dangerous for him to wear it even if we DID get it resized. I cannot wear mine for any length of time as I have "itchy as all fuck" syndrome.... causing everything I wear to make me itch like I have fleas. Does not wearing a wedding ring make me less of a woman, less of a mother... or is it just that they think I am a slut? Hmmmmm
Fuckwits who treat me like I am gutter trash just because I don't wear pretty clothes and act all girly. I get along great with most blokes. Women..... I tend to be too blunt for. And seeing as there's a 1000% chance that I will get along with their partner like a house on fire... they view me as a threat. Again with the being treated like a slut. Hmmmmm
Twats who leave nasty comments on other people's blogs. If you don't like it enough that you feel it is okay to be nasty.... don't visit again. Don't compound the childishness by leaving vile remarks! Hmmmmm
How people who become alcoholics or addicts can NOT realise how deeply addicted they are. How they cannot see the changes such addictions bring in both themselves and others. Hmmmm
That is all. I'm all hmmmmed out for this evening :)
People who order a large meal from McDonalds and then get Diet Coke or water to go with it. Hmmmmm
People who get offended by seeing a woman's breast when she is feeding her child. No matter where she might be.... what are you doing looking at her boobs you pervert! Hmmmmm
The people who expect to eat off a table where ever they may go, yet expect a mother to go and sit in a toilet/bathroom to feed her child. Or to suffocate the child by putting a blanket over them both so HEAVEN FUCKING FORBID.... no one see's a nipple. How come these people aren't then willing to take their meal and eat it in the toilet/bathroom as well? Hmmmmm
Idiots who look down their nose at either myself or Soggy because we have 2 beautiful children and wear no wedding bands. His band no longer fits as he has put on too much muscle through his job. And it's dangerous for him to wear it even if we DID get it resized. I cannot wear mine for any length of time as I have "itchy as all fuck" syndrome.... causing everything I wear to make me itch like I have fleas. Does not wearing a wedding ring make me less of a woman, less of a mother... or is it just that they think I am a slut? Hmmmmm
Fuckwits who treat me like I am gutter trash just because I don't wear pretty clothes and act all girly. I get along great with most blokes. Women..... I tend to be too blunt for. And seeing as there's a 1000% chance that I will get along with their partner like a house on fire... they view me as a threat. Again with the being treated like a slut. Hmmmmm
Twats who leave nasty comments on other people's blogs. If you don't like it enough that you feel it is okay to be nasty.... don't visit again. Don't compound the childishness by leaving vile remarks! Hmmmmm
How people who become alcoholics or addicts can NOT realise how deeply addicted they are. How they cannot see the changes such addictions bring in both themselves and others. Hmmmm
That is all. I'm all hmmmmed out for this evening :)
Thursday, August 30, 2007
You Know Your Man Loves You When......
He he drives you to the local sheepskin factory and waits patiently in the car while you LUST over all that sheepskin.
He walks into the store to see if you found what you were looking for (a new pair of ugh boots with a sturdy non slip sole. NO REPEATS of Fucked Up Pelvis 101 for this woman). Then walks out WITHOUT saying a word when you smile, say yes, and tell him they are $169.00.
He hands you his wallet when you go out to the car to check that it really is okay to spend THAT MUCH on one set of shoes. Even though you are both aware that the days they will NOT be on your feet in the next year or 5, can be counted on two hands.
He doesn't wait until you have worn the boots to come up with some outrageous I O U of headjobs or handjobs that you must cough up because he paid for the new ugh boots. In fact.... not much is said about them at all.... boots or favours.
He loves me.
I promise I won't put my icy cold feet on your nice warm ballsack while you are sleeping to remind you I need new boots anymore :)
My flash new ugh boots.
He walks into the store to see if you found what you were looking for (a new pair of ugh boots with a sturdy non slip sole. NO REPEATS of Fucked Up Pelvis 101 for this woman). Then walks out WITHOUT saying a word when you smile, say yes, and tell him they are $169.00.
He hands you his wallet when you go out to the car to check that it really is okay to spend THAT MUCH on one set of shoes. Even though you are both aware that the days they will NOT be on your feet in the next year or 5, can be counted on two hands.
He doesn't wait until you have worn the boots to come up with some outrageous I O U of headjobs or handjobs that you must cough up because he paid for the new ugh boots. In fact.... not much is said about them at all.... boots or favours.
He loves me.
I promise I won't put my icy cold feet on your nice warm ballsack while you are sleeping to remind you I need new boots anymore :)
My flash new ugh boots.
The "I am never going to slip and fuck up my pelvis or back EVER again" non slip soles.
The old ones that have been well loved and had more ventilation than ANY ugh boot should ever have.
Dearest Mum
F&*% off. You are pissing me off beyond the point of no return. I am seconds from ringing you and telling you what I think of you. I borrowed the stupid hole punch thingy at Christmas time, I returned it the next day. I DON’T HAVE IT. MY KIDS DID NOT “BORROW” IT! And with the house full of expensive crap you have….. I am dead sure I could find something a bit more fun to steal than a friggin hole punch.
Do not ring me again and tip toe around basically accusing me of stealing the stupid thing. I may be poor in money however I am NOT poor in morals. I do not steal and I do not lie. I have your parents to thank for teaching me some morals, and raising me to be a good and kind person. You … they failed DISMALLY WITH!
No the kids haven’t hidden it in my house somewhere. Unlike you, I clean EVERY DAMN DAY… not once a century. IF it was here, I WOULD have found it by now. No I will not “just check” once more for you. IT AIN’T HERE…. go bark up someone else’s bloody gumtree.
Or here’s a fabulous idea for you. Start at the front door and clean the bottom floor of the house. Put everything away properly , in a sensible place WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT AGAIN. Repeat that step with the top floor. Repeat that step with the garage and workshop. I am sure that you will find it by following my simple advice. I am sure you will find all the stuff you have “hinted” that I, hubby or the kids have stolen.
If this fails… go to the bathroom…. bend over in front of the mirror… and remove the hole punch from the ONLY VACANT SPOT IN THAT HOUSE! Let me know if Dad’s missing cricket bat (the one I WISH I DID HAVE so I could hit you with it) is up there as well.
I’d like to take this time to inform you that I resign from the position of daughter. Seeing as you have 3 other kids, I am positive none of you will miss me. A fact that has been proven numerous times in my 31 years of life. I would also like a divorce from you and Dad. Thank you. I am sure we will ALL be much happier when this family of “thieves” are out of your lives.
Regards
The ex daughter
Comments As Follows:-
Jess:
Can I have a moment?…. *taking a moment*…. Oh my fucking god!!!! You fucking rock! You know I wanted you to start blogging again and you have done it all on your own! I’m sooooo happy! And I would love to see you divorce that evil woman! Give her hell!
Angry:
Hi Von… nice place you got here… by the way here’s the hole punch I borrowed off you last Christmas without asking… I’m sure you didn’t miss it…
Von:
LOL Jess, now just find me a way to make the header not say “just another” . I have never been just another anything
Von:
Angry
You ass! I’m getting raked over hot coals by the bitch from hell…. and you had it? You owe me now!
Angry:
Sorry Von… I deserve a jolly good spanking… and I think Jess and TBC should spank me too…
…do you have a sister…? …maybe she’d like to spank me as well…
…what about your Mother would she like… oh never mind, I might just be crossing the line about now…
Von:
Ewwwwwwwww my sister is the EPITOMY of Kings Cross. I wouldn’t let her spank you with a ten foot pole.
And I will flog you later for putting the next thing you said (which I will not repeat) into my brain as a mental picture.
Excuse me, my brain needs a bath now
Angry:
…and my work is done…!!!:)
Von:
lol
Moley:
{{{{Von}}}} my sweet thing, so glad to have linked to you via Mocha... At last you are back and I have something else to read and entertain (yes entertain!) me when I'm ambling over the web sphere... I've missed you! Parents.... They are hard work... Divorce sounds like a fine idea... Perhaps you should design how to divorce your parents in 5 simple steps... Could be a winner in the market. Looking forward to reading more, hun, take carexxxxx
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