Thursday, August 30, 2007
Dearest Mum
F&*% off. You are pissing me off beyond the point of no return. I am seconds from ringing you and telling you what I think of you. I borrowed the stupid hole punch thingy at Christmas time, I returned it the next day. I DON’T HAVE IT. MY KIDS DID NOT “BORROW” IT! And with the house full of expensive crap you have….. I am dead sure I could find something a bit more fun to steal than a friggin hole punch.
Do not ring me again and tip toe around basically accusing me of stealing the stupid thing. I may be poor in money however I am NOT poor in morals. I do not steal and I do not lie. I have your parents to thank for teaching me some morals, and raising me to be a good and kind person. You … they failed DISMALLY WITH!
No the kids haven’t hidden it in my house somewhere. Unlike you, I clean EVERY DAMN DAY… not once a century. IF it was here, I WOULD have found it by now. No I will not “just check” once more for you. IT AIN’T HERE…. go bark up someone else’s bloody gumtree.
Or here’s a fabulous idea for you. Start at the front door and clean the bottom floor of the house. Put everything away properly , in a sensible place WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT AGAIN. Repeat that step with the top floor. Repeat that step with the garage and workshop. I am sure that you will find it by following my simple advice. I am sure you will find all the stuff you have “hinted” that I, hubby or the kids have stolen.
If this fails… go to the bathroom…. bend over in front of the mirror… and remove the hole punch from the ONLY VACANT SPOT IN THAT HOUSE! Let me know if Dad’s missing cricket bat (the one I WISH I DID HAVE so I could hit you with it) is up there as well.
I’d like to take this time to inform you that I resign from the position of daughter. Seeing as you have 3 other kids, I am positive none of you will miss me. A fact that has been proven numerous times in my 31 years of life. I would also like a divorce from you and Dad. Thank you. I am sure we will ALL be much happier when this family of “thieves” are out of your lives.
Regards
The ex daughter
Comments As Follows:-
Jess:
Can I have a moment?…. *taking a moment*…. Oh my fucking god!!!! You fucking rock! You know I wanted you to start blogging again and you have done it all on your own! I’m sooooo happy! And I would love to see you divorce that evil woman! Give her hell!
Angry:
Hi Von… nice place you got here… by the way here’s the hole punch I borrowed off you last Christmas without asking… I’m sure you didn’t miss it…
Von:
LOL Jess, now just find me a way to make the header not say “just another” . I have never been just another anything
Von:
Angry
You ass! I’m getting raked over hot coals by the bitch from hell…. and you had it? You owe me now!
Angry:
Sorry Von… I deserve a jolly good spanking… and I think Jess and TBC should spank me too…
…do you have a sister…? …maybe she’d like to spank me as well…
…what about your Mother would she like… oh never mind, I might just be crossing the line about now…
Von:
Ewwwwwwwww my sister is the EPITOMY of Kings Cross. I wouldn’t let her spank you with a ten foot pole.
And I will flog you later for putting the next thing you said (which I will not repeat) into my brain as a mental picture.
Excuse me, my brain needs a bath now
Angry:
…and my work is done…!!!:)
Von:
lol
Moley:
{{{{Von}}}} my sweet thing, so glad to have linked to you via Mocha... At last you are back and I have something else to read and entertain (yes entertain!) me when I'm ambling over the web sphere... I've missed you! Parents.... They are hard work... Divorce sounds like a fine idea... Perhaps you should design how to divorce your parents in 5 simple steps... Could be a winner in the market. Looking forward to reading more, hun, take carexxxxx
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9 comments:
I'd like to spank Angry... Oh, yes I would! And welcome to your new home Von!!!
Jess, I'll be in on spanking Angry, but I think he's going to like it a little too much ;)
Moley, oh sweet thing, where have you been hiding? Are you lusting after Lara Croft again? I missed you too.
Yes world, I'm back, maybe not in demand (yet) but back none the less!!!! Betcha didn't miss me Bwah hahahahahahaha
Okay... clearly we are all in for some ride. I want you ladies to figure the order.... no squabbling over who rides me first...
um... Von, i've been thinking about what you said about my site being too exposed to the family so i may just have to move in to your place if i want to play up... and believe me, i want to play up... :
;)
Dear Rob, there will be no fighting as I have it all figured out.
Jess can ride one legg, Jill can ride the other leg, I will ride your back (cause I hate being the submissive one) and Moley isn't into boys... so she can take the video for us instead!
All sorted!
Oh and you may move in with me Rob. I will charge you a back massage at least once a week :)
...only a back massage? I was hoping I'd have to pay more... a LOT more.
You can always pay more,,, much much more.... the back rub weekly is just the beginning or minimum acceptable :)
I'm always late to the party! Damn the madness! Yvonne, this post rocks! Trust me, so many times I wish I could tell my Mom to kiss my ass (even though she and I are extremely close). Lately, she's a huge pain in the ass! I promise, Jess and I will help you get this site looking tip top very soon...if I can just get the stick out of my own ass and get moving on a header image! lol Welcome back to blogging!
TBC
Oh owner of luscious boobies that I lust after daily..... about fucking time you showed up wench. It's not a stick up your ass, it's my dildo. I couldn't figure out where I left it. Now I know. Please give it back and come make me look beautiful for the only time in my life. Mothers suck universally but I'm going to fucking kill mine! Also I have 2 blogs with the same name and they look different. Did I fuck something up.
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