Dear Migraine

Dear Migraine

I am offering you a once in a lifetime deal..... so pay attention asshole.

You have two choices:-

Choice One is I will buy you a ticket to another head anywhere on the planet you wish, as long as you have your shit packed and leave within a millisecond of reading this letter.

Choice Two is I will declare war on you. I will bomb you with kick arse painkillers, which will be followed by kick arse "no vomit" tablets. You and I both know that the price of me taking the kick arse pain tablets is that I chuck my hole up for the next 8 or more hours.

I feel you use this fact to an unfair advantage, you know I will resist taking any tablets in the hope that my docility will encourage you to have a drink or two at the bar and then fuck off. Due to you playing unfairly and also running up a huge bar tab.... (who the fuck gave you permission to get a bar tab?) I have no wish to parley with you, I will also NOT be accepting an unconditional surrender from you this time.

If you continue to plague me I will be finding the fancy corkscrew thingy we never use and I will be plunging it into my skull, digging around until I locate your current position somewhere behind my left and right eyebrows (how fucking big an arse do you have to cover thet much skull huh?), and removing you post haste.

I will then feed you to my children. It has come to my attention that if they can eat dirt, sand, various leaves and sticks, assorted pet foods when dickheads leave pet food bowls within reach, and about a kilo of snot per day..... their bodies are obviously well capable of handling eating you.... and suffering no ill effects.

You Mr Asshole Migraine Of The Century are no longer welcome in my skull cavity. I hereby remove the V.I.M access I granted you, and you will promptly return The Key To My Brain. You have 30 days to pay the bar tab or I will sic my children onto you. And we both know how they make you quiver, shit yourself and hide under a big rock.

I wish I could say that the time we have spent together has been pleasant, but it has obviously been horrible.

Your millisecond starts ....... now!

That is all.